Fertility and Femininity

Regardless of whether we identify as male or female, we all have masculine and feminine energies within us.

Masculine energy tends to be goal-oriented, linear, rational, analytical, focused, driven, hard-charging and competitive. Feminine energy tends to be creative, flowing, nurturing, exploratory, emotional, passionate, intuitive and collaborative.

There is nothing inherently good or bad about “masculinity” or “femininity”. However, as a society, we have disconnected from our feminine.

In general, we view feminine qualities and characteristics with a negative connotation. Expressing emotions is considered weak. Using intuition to make decisions is considered absurd. Indulging passion is considered frivolous. Being a nurturer (of family, of the sick, of the poor, etc.) is considered less valuable than other pursuits. Somewhere, somehow, we discredited the feminine inside all of us.

And, I find that this is particularly evident in highly educated, professionally successful women.

I recognize that I am broadly generalizing here...but many women have had to take on disproportionately masculine qualities to operate and succeed in today’s professional world. I think it would be hard to dispute the fact that most work environments and cultures are still predominantly masculine. The lack of flexible work arrangements, the impersonal communication models, the rigid and linear promotion track, the lack of individualization - it all speaks to and engenders a decidedly masculine milieu. We have made some progress on this front, but we still have a long way to go. As a result, women have adapted their working style to meet the demands of this masculine-centric model. They have become goal-oriented, linear, rational, analytical, focused, driven, hard-charging and in some cases, highly competitive. And, for the most part, this has worked out really well for them!

Interestingly, most of my clients approach fertility with the same level of determination, focus and goal-orientation that they do in their professional lives. Unfortunately, this approach may not translate as well to the personal realm and may not carry the same success rate as in the professional sphere.

Here’s the thing: getting pregnant and becoming a mother is probably the most feminine thing you can possibly do. It requires deep, juicy, feminine energy - you need to surrender, you need to be open and vulnerable, you need to receive (literally!) and you need to release expectations and go with the flow (it’s a natural process after all).

Fertility requires a different model than how most of us have been operating in the world to date. And, while I recognize that the “masculine-centric” model has been very successful for you in basically every other area of your life, I would invite you to consider a different model for fertility...and for motherhood.

Fertility, by its very nature and essence, is a feminine process. Instead of fighting it, I’d encourage you to harness the power of your feminine energy and use it to your advantage. Be open and receptive - to invitations, experiences, opportunities. Let yourself be taken care of - by your partner, by your mom, by your next-door neighbor. Cultivate your creativity and express yourself - through writing, speaking, cooking, movement, art. These things might seem completely irrelevant...but I can promise you that they’re connected. And besides, sexual polarity drives attraction. In other words, the more opposed the sexual energies are between two people (masculine v. feminine), the deeper the attraction will be. You might be surprised by how much fun you have once you allow yourself to sink into your divine feminine...and allow your partner to be in his/her divine masculine (regardless of whether you are in a same sex or opposite sex relationship). If nothing else, this approach might spice up your sex life. Who isn’t up for that?